The BOOBS Questionnaire

Alright girls, its been too much planning, seriousness and anxiety (lol) in B.O.O.B.S. land lately, we think its high time we unhook the brassiers and let the 'girls' hang loose. It's time to "Rock-Out-With-Our Boobs-Out!"

I asked Gilly to come up with a few fun interview questions and she delivered. If you are up for a good time (and I know most of us are!) copy and post this to your blog!

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Hi all of the boobie girls! Someone much more organized than I am thought it would be fun to know more about you, and she enlisted me to think of some crazy questions...so...this is sort of a Gillyified version of Drazil's BYOC. Knock yourselves out.

1) You're trapped on a desert island and can bring only 3 of your favorite foods along. What do you bring?

Chocolate, Cheese & Blueberries

2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?

My paternal grandparents (both passed away before my parents married) & because I have a bit of an obsession... Patrick Swayze. Ohhhh, I have to be a rule breaker and add Jon Bon Jovi to the list - I LOVE him!!!

3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)

Tiffy Izett

4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don't want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?

Three months short of 18.

Least favorite since losing weight... lower tummy area & thighs

Most favorite since losing weight... back & hips

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?

The jury is still out on ghosts for me. But I would NOT spend the night alone in a possibly haunted house. I don't even like to stay alone in my own house, lol.

6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come?

I'm a natural redhead... though the summer sun bleaches to a light strawberry blonde. I dye it, but always some shade of red.

7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively... bikinis or granny panties?

Boxer briefs for him. Hipsters or thongs for me.

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)

I suppose if trilogies don't count, then a miniseries would totally smash the rule huh. Guess I would have to go with Dirty Dancing (corny perhaps), but like I said I have a slight obsession.

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)

Hmmm... I don't think I can make myself type the first thing that came to mind. It might make me blush, lol. Seriously, I plead the fifth!!! :-)


10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?? :)

After today's visit to the scale.... 47.


Fun questions... two funny stories to share tomorrow... I'm off to bed.

A Dress for BOOBS

With just a couple days left to figure out what I'm taking to Chicago I drug myself out into the real world for a little shopping... the dress search yielded about four options and I ended up settling on this:

Sorry I don't have a pic of me in it, I tried unsuccessfully in the fitting room. The cut is flattering and it felt fairly comfy on... but OMG, it is soooooo short. Okay, probably not soooooo short, but compared to what I typically wear its SHORT, lol.

Without another shopping trip, this is the only alternative I have in my closet (at least that seems potentially nice enough):

I don't necessarily find this dress as figure friendly. But, it is longer and something I've comfortably worn several times.

What do you think? Which one is the winner?

Decisions. Decisions.

Three Things

After I wrote my post last night, I actually went to bed and slept until the alarm went off! The first decent sleep I've had in a good two weeks at least; guess getting it out there really does help. One of the things I like about blogging at night is that I almost always wake up to comments... which make me happy and are a good way to start my day. Well this morning there were no comments and I was a little bummed, but they trickled in as I was getting The Boy One ready for school (and throughout the day) and I'm so thankful for each one of them. The encouragement and support means so much to me... so if you took the time to comment THANK YOU SO MUCH.


Several of you mentioned that antidepressants might help. That is something I have thought myself, in the past when I went through little phases like this, and even during this one. I don't know why that seems like admitting defeat or weakness to me and I always shy away from the idea. Or maybe its that The Husband's grandmother was addicted to antidepressants and other prescription drugs and I'm afraid it would freak him out if I were on one. But, if I don't pull myself out of this state by the end of the month, I will go to the doctor... I simply can't keep going on like this.

Chris had what I feel are excellent suggestions in her comment - to start with taking care of myself, then pick three things that required minimal time and just do them... start the ball rolling so to speak. I know I can't keep it exactly that simple with all I have to do between now and Chicago, but this is my plan for Tuesday-Thursday...

• Start the by doing something for me... a walk, taking time to make a healthy breakfast, something that equates to taking good care of my body.
• Make my list of three things that need to be done... thinking one related to The Husband, one related to The Boy One and one one related to the house. Low stress things for now.
• Get those three things done.
• After that, spend the remainder of the day doing things I truly enjoy - or I should say enjoy when I'm not a big ball of tears on the couch - like beading, scrapbooking, reading for pleasure, and dare I say it maybe even baking.

That's it... simple things that will hopefully make me start to feel a little better. I know I can't keep it exactly that simple with the trip to get ready for, but if I can do these few things to feel like I'm accomplishing something I think it will help.

My three things for today: unload/load the dishwasher, move all of the "extra" beverages & cereal to their shelves on the garage, and while not a schedule per say I did limit The Boy One's computer/video game time to one hour. Beyond that, the entire day I sat in front of the tv/computer... which isn't all bad, I actually took time to read a bunch of blogs which I enjoyed alot. Oh and I even let a friend come over for a little bit... one that would understand why she was finding me in last nights pjs at 7pm.

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On another note, I think the nerves of Chicago have finally set in. I swear I wasn't nervous about it at all until I started reading other people's "fears" of what to wear and Draz's "Podunk" post, lol. I feel like I need to make an "emergency" trip to Seattle and find city clothes between now and Friday morning or pack nothing and take myself on a little shopping trip when I get there. In reality, I will pack from the clothes I already have... of which there is no shortage... and maybe try to see if I can find one new outfit to bring.

I am so excited for the trip - to meet everyone, to see a new city, to get away from the stress of home for a couple days - and jumping through last minute hoops to get there. My usual sitter had to cancel because her dad won't let her do overnight babysitting during the school year now. My ride to the airport bailed just yesterday.. apparently too busy to keep their word (whatever!). The first problem actually fixes the second problem. My Mom is coming to stay with The Boy One (which is yes more stress for me, topic for another post). But with her being here, my car won't be needed for the sitter so I can drive to the airport and leave it there. Its all coming together... just not quite the way I planned.

Found this quote online today... something to think about...

"We cannot love or be loved correctly until we love ourself correctly. Root for yourself. Love yourself. If you want to love and be loved the starting point of love begins with you."

What Came First...

The chicken or the egg???

That's pretty much how I'm feeling about the current state of affairs known as my life. Am I not taking care of myself because everything else is a mess or is everything else a mess because I'm not taking care of myself???

Something is wrong with ME. Why am I so sure of this?

The ME who is usually super organized with every detail of every event planned to the finest detail has more or less been floating at loose ends for the last several weeks. My meals haven't been planned in so long its embarrassing. Remember ME who usually measures all of her food out ahead of time and labels the packages with nutrition info? She has vanished, replaced by someone who is back to eating straight out of the package. My great kill myself at the gym plan has COMPLETELY gone down the tubes. Even outdoor physical activity has been nonexistent the last couple weeks.

Then there is the other part of my life - the Mom, wife, daughter, housekeeper part - and its not faring much better. Rather than keeping The Boy One on a schedule that helps him with his behavior etc, he has been getting away with way too much video game, tv and computer time. This is happening because I'm not getting his schedule figured out ahead of time & I don't have the mental energy to follow through with it even if I did get it done. While I try to pick up the phone every time The Husband calls, I miss it a lot (partly because he calls in the middle of the night) and I find myself "playing" on the computer for hours and "forgetting" to email him. Worse yet, here we are a little over halfway through deployment and I haven't sent him a single package or letter. (Insert side note: I got the first email from him today that said it was from ADC - guess that means he's really a Chief now lol). My Mom has to constantly remind me of stuff she needs me to do. Its so bad that I very nearly forgot the date of her court appointment, I never got in my phone and had totally spaced it. Well not totally true, I knew the date but didn't realize it was already pretty much here until the day before. Then there is the house... while its not nearly as bad as I've let it be in the past it is no where near the level of clean it was when deployment started. More than that though is all of the "projects" around the house I was planning to get to during deployment and I haven't even started the first one.

This past week especially there have been days when I literally would lie on the couch and couldn't motivate myself to do anything. Even the thought of going to my favorite little clothing store in town couldn't get my butt off the couch. I'm sad... my heart is heavy... my limbs feel heavy... my head feels on the verge of a migraine all the time... my chest wall pain is surfacing almost daily. I am not ME and I want ME back!

I think I know the cause... someone (well a couple of someones) hurt me very deeply... to the core of my soul... over a few week period immediately preceding the loss of ME. Even typing that makes me cry all over again. These were people that I considered friends and went way out of my way to help when they needed it. But, no matter how much I did or how I tried it was never enough or I was doing it for the wrong reasons or it was a crime when I wanted it to be my turn to get a little consideration... and worse than that they did everything in their power to alienate me from mutual friends. Its hard and it hurts me more than words can possibly express... it makes me want to close myself off from people so I don't have to feel pain anymore... but that is not ME and I want to be ME again.

I think I've written before about how hard it is for me to let go of hurt once it has happened and how it will plague me for a very long time. I need to learn to let go... of this hurt and a world of other hurts... so that I can be ME again. The million dollar question is HOW? How do I get out of this huge funk? Where do I start? Do I start with taking care of myself? Do I take care of everything and everyone else first (which is my usual pattern of behavior)? How do I get back to being ME????

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On a happier note: The Boy One continues with his healthy ways. The were having a case lot sale at the Commissary and he chose a case of plain Cheerios over Cocoa Puffs! Bargain happy Mom was pleased... they ended up being $1.15 a box and we won't need cereal again til Christmas. :-)

I'm In Love!!!

Today was my Mom's trip to Bankruptcy Court, so I spent my morning driving her there... listening to her chatter... all the while mentally writing my next blog post. Then this happened...



We went to lunch... Mexican more precisely... and I fell head over heals in love... with this salad!

The Tapatia Salad

Menu Description: Carne asada, romaine lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, onion, corn, avocado, asparagus, black olives, whole beans, tortilla strips, ranchero cheese and their own vinegar dressing

Just to let you all know, when I go to Mexican I usually eat one of two entrees and don't even look at the menu, so the fact that I ended up ordering this salad is somewhat of an anomaly. This was a Mexican restaurant I've been to numerous times, but they had changed the menu since my last visit, so I actually took a look at the menu. The first thing that struck me is that they actually had new healthier choices - from Veggie fajitas to Spinach Enchiladas - all vegetarian. Then my eyes went down the page to salads - I've never seen a menu with so many salads - a dozen in all. When I visited LA a couple of years ago I had a steak salad at this little char-broil joint that I adored, so when I saw this salad I was hoping for a similar taste and decided to give it a shot.

What I got instead was quite seriously the BEST salad I have ever eaten in my life! Their menu description doesn't even begin to do it justice. The carne asada was very thinly sliced, super tender, very moist, and not even a hint of fat to be found. The asparagus was grilled to perfection... six whole pieces. The onions and tomatoes were diced small... almost like pico de gallo... with the corn mixed in. The vinegar dressing was just the right amount of tangy and didn't seem to have much oil in it. I swear this was the PERFECT salad!

I almost feel guilty for how much I loved this salad, lol. I mean how many times have you heard or been told that you shouldn't get your happiness from food? From the moment they set this salad in front of me, my entire mood changed. The presentation was so beautiful and such a surprise considering this is just your average Americanized Mexican restaurant we were sitting in. Then I took my first bite of it and literally fell head over heals in love! The way the flavors blended together was AMAZING!!! It was sooooo good, I was immediately torn between savoring each bite and shoveling in as much of the yummy flavor as I could as fast as I could. After the first couple of shoveled in bites, I settled down and opted to savor each and every bite that entered into my mouth. By the time I was done - I was well satisfied - and wanting to lick the plate. I swear if the guy had not come along to pick it up when he did, he may have found me finger licking it.

Believe it or not, there really is a point to me telling you all about this wonderful salad. The point is this, its been a really long time since I truly enjoyed eating a meal as much as this. Its always been one of my goals to only use (waste) calories on foods that were truly satisfying to the taste buds and enjoying this salad the way I did made me realize that I have really slacked off on that the last few months. I've been eating whatever happened to be available or what would pass for moderately healthy without giving enough thought to what the food really tasted like or if I was enjoying it. This salad serves as a wake up call to how far off track I have let myself get while attempting to please those around me. I have no idea what the calories/fat for the salad were (they didn't have nutritional info), but to me it doesn't matter as much as the wake up call it provided.

Quick note about scale day: I gained a pound in the last two weeks. Not what I would have liked to see, but what I expected for the effort (or lack of effort) I've given things the last few weeks.

Oh, I have news about my Mom and the BOOBS too. She no longer thinks I am going to be assaulted, strangled or killed during the course of the weekend. It only took explaining to her weekly since May what I was doing & why I was doing it. Some peoples mothers... lol.

Be back soon with my original - still in my brain - post...

Comfort Food Fest

On this cloudy, gray Sunday my BFF decided enough is enough and "forced" me to participate in Comfort Food Fest. So she didn't force me... more I allowed myself to indulge in a variety of foods that I usually limit to once in a while... all in the same night. We are talking HUGE quantities of pasta salad (have I ever mentioned that she makes the best pasta salad on the planet?), some tortilla chips & queso and a sizable bowl of double fudge brownie ice cream. Yes, I know bad, bad & more bad food choices... especially in the quantities and having them all in one huge meal.

But ya know what???

It was so nice to have someone care enough and want to spend a little of their time taking care of me that I would have eaten anything that was put in front of me.

Do I feel guilty for participating in Comfort Food Fest?

I feel guilty for a multitude of things... but this is not one of them.

One thing I do feel guilty about is my lack of blogging the last few months. Yes, summer was busy & time to write was a premium. Yes, there were days when I was plain & simply just too dang tired to do it. Yes, there were days (a few) when I literally had nothing on my mind to share. But, in all honesty, its more than that. The simple truth is that a lot of days I have chosen not to write because I was so miserable that I could hardly stand to be around myself, the thought of putting together a happy post was more than I could do, and the last thing I want is to be one of those people that writes negative post upon negative post. So I have sat in silence...

This is far from my first deployment... but its different in so many ways than any I have experienced before. Considering the state of my marriage for most of the last fifteen years, deployments have become something like a breath of fresh air for me - a time when I can breathe and be my true self for a few months. I still feel that sense of being able to breathe this time... its the being my true self part that I'm not feeling. I don't even know who or what that is anymore.

In the midst of being so sad and uncertain, I'm so thankful for a BFF that actually sees the need and takes the time to care even though she is incredibly busy. I hope everyone has someone they can turn to in time of need... because I'm once again reminded of how important that is... the difference it can make.

Cherry On Top Award

Today I was nominated for an award by Sarah at Simple, Sassy Sarah! Thanks Sarah!!!

The Rules for this award:

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

Wow, just one thing? lol. I would go back to when The Husband was out of the house & I had the protection order against him... and I would choose to verify the things he told me rather than naively taking his word for it & letting him come back.

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

Drazil (of course, lol)

Melissa

Carmen

Chris

Julia

Kristen

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award. Done! :)

Jeans n Stuff

First things first... NO, I have not hit a size 8 in jeans. It seems I should have worded more carefully in my last post. A few posts ago, I wrote about the deal I have with a buddy of mine that we can each get new jeans when we lose 15 pounds... so in my last post I was at 8 pounds to go for new jeans... which if my estimations are correct will be a size 10 or 12... probably a 12.

This week I chose to skip scale day... okay maybe I didn't exactly choose to... its more like I was too stressed out and rushed to take the time on my way out the door. We finally had the appointment at the Autism Center for The Boy One. The doctor there suggested some strategies for dealing with the aggression to try before we jump to medication. He also said that he suspects part of the aggression may be connected to puberty issues. So... we will try the strategies and see how that goes.

Oh, The Boy One had his final session of physical therapy today. They gave him a nice little certificate and a big choclate chip cookie. I know it may not seem like much to talk about... but for us its like a successful sports season or passing a tough class. He's worked so hard with her to get to where he is today and I'm a proud mama.

In other news... I got the results from my girlie exam... and now I'm on what my friend calls the "frequent prodding program." Abnormal cells means extra screening... yay me! Trying not to stress myself out about it because I know these things happen to a lot of women without it ever turning into anything serious. But there is the little girl in me that has been scared to death of the big C for longer than I can remember.

This week is all about getting back into the swing of a fall routine. This weekend is about planning my time, my meals, my workouts. Monday I will be back on track... no excuses... no getting sidetracked... no wasting time on people who bring me down.

One last thing... because its fall and I love to eat soup in the fall... Do you have a favorite homemade soup recipe to share? :)

Because I Promised...

Because I promised that my next post would be a happy post... it has taken me a few days to gather myself. As I was logging on to blogger to post Wednesday morning, I also logged into Facebook. On Facebook, I found out that a man I have spent my whole life considering a grandpa had passed away the night before. This is a man that I associate more childhood memories with than I do with my biological grandfather or even my dad. As I have spent time reflecting, he is also one of the major people that was a part of the memories I do have with my dad. This is the man that I attribute my love of hiking and the spontaneous road trip to. He was the kind of guy that would wake up on a Saturday morning and decide the Church kids should go on an adventure & within an hour or two we'd all be out in the middle of no where somewhere. When my Dad was sick, he and his son (who both worked at the same company as my Dad) took turns making sure I still felt connected to that part of my life. I have been sad and cried tears... but I have also been thankful in the last few days. He was suffering so badly from Parkinson's for so many years.. and I know the suffering is over. I also know he is in a better place, with his Savior (as his grandson posted on facebook). Its totally one of those moments where the tears are for me and those that will feel the loss. He will be so missed, by so many... but I know his legacy will live on through all of the lives he touched.

Good news from scale day... that mean little box on the floor read 194 lbs!!!! That's a total of 7 lbs lost since I got home from my trip to Cali!!! Considering I've been slacking off on monitoring my food and not anywhere near my usual activity level, I'm extremely pleased. And this means... jeans in 8... so I'm almost half way there!!! I am so dying for new jeans its not even funny.. but I have resisted... had a great time finding tops at Value Village the other day though.

My Mom has The Boy One for a few days & I am mostly just enjoying time to be with my own thoughts and figure out what is good for ME! Its soooooo nice. Hope everyone is having an awesome weekend! :)