After I wrote my post last night, I actually went to bed and slept until the alarm went off! The first decent sleep I've had in a good two weeks at least; guess getting it out there really does help. One of the things I like about blogging at night is that I almost always wake up to comments... which make me happy and are a good way to start my day. Well this morning there were no comments and I was a little bummed, but they trickled in as I was getting The Boy One ready for school (and throughout the day) and I'm so thankful for each one of them. The encouragement and support means so much to me... so if you took the time to comment THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Several of you mentioned that antidepressants might help. That is something I have thought myself, in the past when I went through little phases like this, and even during this one. I don't know why that seems like admitting defeat or weakness to me and I always shy away from the idea. Or maybe its that The Husband's grandmother was addicted to antidepressants and other prescription drugs and I'm afraid it would freak him out if I were on one. But, if I don't pull myself out of this state by the end of the month, I will go to the doctor... I simply can't keep going on like this.
Chris had what I feel are excellent suggestions in her comment - to start with taking care of myself, then pick three things that required minimal time and just do them... start the ball rolling so to speak. I know I can't keep it exactly that simple with all I have to do between now and Chicago, but this is my plan for Tuesday-Thursday...
- Start the by doing something for me... a walk, taking time to make a healthy breakfast, something that equates to taking good care of my body.
- Make my list of three things that need to be done... thinking one related to The Husband, one related to The Boy One and one one related to the house. Low stress things for now.
- Get those three things done.
- After that, spend the remainder of the day doing things I truly enjoy - or I should say enjoy when I'm not a big ball of tears on the couch - like beading, scrapbooking, reading for pleasure, and dare I say it maybe even baking.
That's it... simple things that will hopefully make me start to feel a little better. I know I can't keep it exactly that simple with the trip to get ready for, but if I can do these few things to feel like I'm accomplishing something I think it will help.
My three things for today: unload/load the dishwasher, move all of the "extra" beverages & cereal to their shelves on the garage, and while not a schedule per say I did limit The Boy One's computer/video game time to one hour. Beyond that, the entire day I sat in front of the tv/computer... which isn't all bad, I actually took time to read a bunch of blogs which I enjoyed alot. Oh and I even let a friend come over for a little bit... one that would understand why she was finding me in last nights pjs at 7pm.
On another note, I think the nerves of Chicago have finally set in. I swear I wasn't nervous about it at all until I started reading other people's "fears" of what to wear and Draz's "Podunk" post, lol. I feel like I need to make an "emergency" trip to Seattle and find city clothes between now and Friday morning or pack nothing and take myself on a little shopping trip when I get there. In reality, I will pack from the clothes I already have... of which there is no shortage... and maybe try to see if I can find one new outfit to bring.
I am so excited for the trip - to meet everyone, to see a new city, to get away from the stress of home for a couple days - and jumping through last minute hoops to get there. My usual sitter had to cancel because her dad won't let her do overnight babysitting during the school year now. My ride to the airport bailed just yesterday.. apparently too busy to keep their word (whatever!). The first problem actually fixes the second problem. My Mom is coming to stay with The Boy One (which is yes more stress for me, topic for another post). But with her being here, my car won't be needed for the sitter so I can drive to the airport and leave it there. Its all coming together... just not quite the way I planned.
Found this quote online today... something to think about...
"We cannot love or be loved correctly until we love ourself correctly. Root for yourself. Love yourself. If you want to love and be loved the starting point of love begins with you."