My Eats

How "The Accidental Fat Chick" Hatched...

Welcome to The Accidental Fat Chick's new online home!

During the summer 0f 2008, I woke up one morning with a drive to live a healthy lifestyle. Since then, I've made many changes and lost nearly 50 pounds. Many of my friends and family members have come to me, asking about what I'm doing & how I'm doing it. While I certainly would never claim to be an expert, I'm happy to share what I've learned along the way.

So after careful thought... "The Accidental Fat Chick" has hatched... with the hope of helping at least one person and to be the accountability I need to finish what I started. :)

Thank you for visiting!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Blank Screen

For the last hour I have sat staring at a blank computer screen... debating what to write about. I have several posts in the works, but none that feel like they fit where I am this moment. Today I feel like a fraud. My actions have been the classic example of saying one thing and doing something else entirely.

Food today was anti-healthy at each and every turn - chips & salsa, McDonalds and pasta salad. There is no good reason for this day of awful eating. Truthfully, Wednesdays are always crazy with kids group & this day is much like all of my Wednesdays were in the past. Last year, I had done a pretty good job of making it a priority to take healthy meals with me on Wednesday nights... this fall I've yet to get back in the habit. That needs to change IMMEDIATELY!

Exercise did not happen. Yes, I could still pop in a video or get the Wii going and get in something that would technically count. But, I'm exhausted - emotionally and physically - and just don't have it in me right now.

One important thing did happen today though. I wrote Draz earlier, telling her that I wasn't planning to blog about it, but I've changed my mind... because quite honestly I'm proud of myself and feel like a major step toward standing up for myself in life was taken. Today, I took steps to end the friendship with the "friend" I wrote about a few days ago. After much thought, I realized that the emotional damage that would continue to be done to my heart if I attempted to patch things up just wasn't worth any perceived benefit. So... this morning I set about the necessary tasks... phone number changed, email sent stating exactly why I can't continue the friendship, deleted & blocked on facebook. All of that may seem extreme to you, but to me its what has to happen. If I didn't take such serious steps, she would keep pushing to "fix" things and eventually I would give in. It is hard to thing of this person no longer being a part of my life, but I know all in all... Its better this way...

As I was taking each of these steps a feeling of freedom & satisfaction swept through me... like a weight was lifting off my shoulders and stress was leaving my body. I felt empowered. Never before in my life have I stood up for myself in such a concrete, definitive way! While a little part of me was sad to be ending such a long friendship this way, I was mostly relieved to be resolving the situation... and to be resolving it on my terms! To do it without the opportunity to be browbeaten into changing my mind! It was empowering!!!

The Boy One is done with school for the week thanks to parent-teacher conferences. Tomorrow we will be visiting my gym together. He is old enough to be added to my membership. If he is comfortable there, I can start bringing him with me part of the time. That will help me get more workout time in, so I'm hopeful. Besides, he is wanting to exercise and has been upset that he isn't getting a full PE period at school this year.

Bedtime for me... early tonight. LOL

PS- This is my first post from my brand new laptop. HP really went above & beyond in replacing my broken one. Plus, they refunded the price of the extended warranty I purchased. I'm truly, oddly, impressed with them right now. :)


Life as a Caterpillar said...

((hugs)) to you today


The Ninja said...

Good for you and congrats on the new laptop, I'm so jealous :0)

Anonymous said...

Oh how exciting a new laptop! I know what you mean it is difficult deciding what to blog about each day. We were out over the weekend and almost stopped into mc.donalds. I was debating if id be strong enough to order a salad.
today is a new fresh start :)

Corletta said...

It sounds like you did was necessary in order for you to be healthy! Good for you! Friendships are difficult to end, but sometimes, as you know, you have to. By the way...I appreciate your honesty in this blog. I think it says a lot about you! Also, I KNOW what you mean about needing to figure something out for Wednesday nights. I teach a kid divorce care group that ALWAYS has unhealthy blah to eat :/

bbubblyb said...

Glad HP came through for you. Sorry you're feeling like a fraud, you know we all have times like that of not always making the best choices. Just get back to it and you'll be fine. Sorry everything turned out like it did with your friend. I know you did the best thing for yourself. *hugs*

amandakiska said...

I know you know this, but I want to remind you how important exercise is when you're struggling with depression (and when you're not). Some studies show that exercise can give you as much relief as medications! This is huge so don't let yourself talk yourself out of it. You'll feel better.

Having said that, I don't think there's anything wrong with relying on fast food at times. Why not chose the first Wednesday of the month as "McDonald's Night" and pack dinner the rest of the time? It isn't the greatest food in the world, but when eaten in moderation with an otherwise mostly healthy diet, it shouldn't be an issue.

Christina said...

Removing toxic people from your life is wonderful! It's hard to make that decision, but I'm sure you won't regret it. Good for you!! That's awesome Boy One WANTS to exercise. Keep chuggin', mama!