A Blank Screen

For the last hour I have sat staring at a blank computer screen... debating what to write about. I have several posts in the works, but none that feel like they fit where I am this moment. Today I feel like a fraud. My actions have been the classic example of saying one thing and doing something else entirely.

Food today was anti-healthy at each and every turn - chips & salsa, McDonalds and pasta salad. There is no good reason for this day of awful eating. Truthfully, Wednesdays are always crazy with kids group & this day is much like all of my Wednesdays were in the past. Last year, I had done a pretty good job of making it a priority to take healthy meals with me on Wednesday nights... this fall I've yet to get back in the habit. That needs to change IMMEDIATELY!

Exercise did not happen. Yes, I could still pop in a video or get the Wii going and get in something that would technically count. But, I'm exhausted - emotionally and physically - and just don't have it in me right now.

One important thing did happen today though. I wrote Draz earlier, telling her that I wasn't planning to blog about it, but I've changed my mind... because quite honestly I'm proud of myself and feel like a major step toward standing up for myself in life was taken. Today, I took steps to end the friendship with the "friend" I wrote about a few days ago. After much thought, I realized that the emotional damage that would continue to be done to my heart if I attempted to patch things up just wasn't worth any perceived benefit. So... this morning I set about the necessary tasks... phone number changed, email sent stating exactly why I can't continue the friendship, deleted & blocked on facebook. All of that may seem extreme to you, but to me its what has to happen. If I didn't take such serious steps, she would keep pushing to "fix" things and eventually I would give in. It is hard to thing of this person no longer being a part of my life, but I know all in all... Its better this way...

As I was taking each of these steps a feeling of freedom & satisfaction swept through me... like a weight was lifting off my shoulders and stress was leaving my body. I felt empowered. Never before in my life have I stood up for myself in such a concrete, definitive way! While a little part of me was sad to be ending such a long friendship this way, I was mostly relieved to be resolving the situation... and to be resolving it on my terms! To do it without the opportunity to be browbeaten into changing my mind! It was empowering!!!

The Boy One is done with school for the week thanks to parent-teacher conferences. Tomorrow we will be visiting my gym together. He is old enough to be added to my membership. If he is comfortable there, I can start bringing him with me part of the time. That will help me get more workout time in, so I'm hopeful. Besides, he is wanting to exercise and has been upset that he isn't getting a full PE period at school this year.

Bedtime for me... early tonight. LOL

PS- This is my first post from my brand new laptop. HP really went above & beyond in replacing my broken one. Plus, they refunded the price of the extended warranty I purchased. I'm truly, oddly, impressed with them right now. :)