Saturday was a good day... The weather was fantastic. I worked. I took The Boy One across the water for an afternoon of exploring, shopping and good food. Then it all fell apart...
Around 10:00pm, I went in to suggest that The Boy One turn his game off and settle down for sleep... he'd had his pill around 8:00, so I figured he'd probably be getting sleepy. He turned the game off and practically threw it at me... telling me to "keep it for a month" because he'd been a "bad boy." This had me totally dumbfounded because his behavior was EXCELLENT on our whole outing. Other than some extra bouncing around when he got excited, there were no behavior issues & I don't even consider that a behavior issue... just an excited twelve year old jumping around like a nine year old. When I told him that he was a GREAT boy all day & asked why he thought he had been bad, he got violently upset. Not as bad as some times in the past... but kicking me and thrashing about. He fell asleep in this tense, angry mood... which is typically not him at all. All I can do is cry...
And I'm alone...
Drazil wrote about how she would be ALONE if she lost her husband and Jenny. I am very much like her in this... pretty much I have The Husband and my BFF. Yes I have other friends... but no one else nearly that close, no one that I could call without looking at the clock first. In all seriousness, there have been periods where I think I literally would have died without them. And now... The Husband has deployed... The BFF is so wrapped up with her new boyfriend that she isn't really "there" like she used to be. So in essence...
I AM ALONE!
Granted its not a permanent alone... The Husband will come home in six months... the BFF might figure out how to have a man she actually wants to spend time with and a BFF too... but for now when I'm in a ball of tears there is no one. So here I am, writing, and glad that all of you care enough to read my ramblings... it helps me feel a little less alone.
And to keep from being a total downer here...
Despite all of the emotional drama right now, I have NO desire to put food or beverage in my mouth. No emotional eating here.
I walked A LOT today... including up and down LOTS of stairs.
And, I have some really awesome pictures from our outing that I'll get posted soon . :)
Good luck to everyone doing Race for the Cure!
It looks like a foot. It tastes like a foot.
1 month ago
9 comments:
Hey Julie,
I don't know if you believe in God...but there were many times I found myself alone without any friends at all.
I spent years with few friends and sometimes one friend who was going through the ringer and every time I got them on the phone it was apocalyptic type stuff..divorce etc.
So sometimes I had to turn to God and read my bible and turn inward.
When things go wrong with your children all you can do is talk to them and hold them.
Maybe you could talk to your son and ask him what he is worried about, maybe he is blaming himself for his dad leaving or is worried and doesn't know how to express it.
My kids has a few days of being 'extra good' and then all hell would break loose.
Sometimes it was a matter of time spent. Mostly at night, lying in bed and talking.
I know how lonely it feels. I filled up my time with reading and thinking and praying.
Hugs to you and feel better hon.
So sorry to hear that you feel alone...it sucks. I hope your son is ok...he sounds as if he feels he has done something wrong...poor thing. We are here for you and I don't know how you manage to be so strong.....(((hugs)))
Of course we are here to listen and be there for you. Hope it helps to know we are out here. Be well.
Awww Julie, you are not alone....we are all here reading and rooting for you. You'll never be alone. It's hard to have close friends as adults. We are all so busy. I hope your BFF can find a way to balance a little better and support you a little more during your husbands deployment. Can you tell her how you feel?
Big Hugs to you,
Jen
Awww my little Julie. You are NOT alone. And seriously - I'll give you my phone number so you can call any time of day or night if you want it. You do what you can with the energy you have - you give 100% every day for those boys and we all know that. Sometimes in kid's eyes it just doesn't matter- they do and feel what they do - regardless of our parenting. I am so proud of you for still being active and not eating your hand off. YOu have to celebrate the little victories...because right now they are HUGE. Loves you. Be well...mmkkaayy?
I know your child is special needs not sure exactly what it is. But, I work with autistic children. There is a program we use called the PlayProject.org. It is narrating to the children their feeling. " You look upset/mad/sad etc." I am bad because? rather then telling them what is going on sometimes it is helpful for them to realize these emotions are OK. I don't mean to sound I am lecturing I do not have children. I think that the parents of special need children are our true hero's of our society. I have much respect for you. Good Luck!
said a prayer for ya julie...I hope it gets better!
Prayed for your husband too for his work and safety.
Way to stay away from the emotional eating!
I am so sorry to hear you feel alone especially when you and everyone else around her make me feel so NOT alone. I have been through something so similar with my best friend, and it's horrible to be left behind - I hope she finds that balance soon between wanting to be happy with her new boy and realizing that she needs her friends time and they need her too!
Wow, now that was a horrible evening and no one to share it with makes it so much worse. I haven't read far enough yet to know much about your son or hubby but I'm learning quite a bit about you. You are an amazing woman. I would be proud to call you friend.
I'm off to read some more. Sleep well. Take care and God Bless!!
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