My Eats

How "The Accidental Fat Chick" Hatched...

Welcome to The Accidental Fat Chick's new online home!

During the summer 0f 2008, I woke up one morning with a drive to live a healthy lifestyle. Since then, I've made many changes and lost nearly 50 pounds. Many of my friends and family members have come to me, asking about what I'm doing & how I'm doing it. While I certainly would never claim to be an expert, I'm happy to share what I've learned along the way.

So after careful thought... "The Accidental Fat Chick" has hatched... with the hope of helping at least one person and to be the accountability I need to finish what I started. :)

Thank you for visiting!!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Last Weekend...

Its the last weekend before deployment... and I have to say I've never felt quite this way going into a deployment.

Yes, I'm sad that he's leaving... a bit, but not like you might expect... though I'm sure it will hit me hard when the day really arrives. That's how it was last time anyway.

Yes, I'm stressed over all the last minute details... but I know it will all work itself out (it always does).

Yes, I feel a tad overwhelmed knowing that EVERYTHING is going to fall on my shoulders from now til December... but let's face it... that's pretty much how its been this whole home cycle anyway.

And this is where it gets weird (and where I find myself struggling with guilty feelings)...

There is a part of me that is genuinely looking forward to the freedom of being on my own. NOT so I can run wild... lol. But, so I can get back to the business of taking care of myself.

The bulk of the weight I've lost was when he was deployed the last time; it was so much easier being on my own. I could plan the meals I wanted (thankfully my son is really easy going in the meal department). I could schedule workout time without interruption. I could grocery shop without having a ton of extras tossed in the cart when I wasn't looking. Staying out of restaurants was so much easier. In short, I was able to focus on me without the distraction of trying to please The Husband. Ugh, now I feel sufficiently guilty all over again.

While I've been able to lose small amounts in the 18 months he's been home, its really been mainly an exercise in maintenance. I'm down roughly 10 pounds from when he came home from the last deployment. This gives me hope that if I can just get to a "goal" weight while he's gone, I'll have success in maintaining it after he gets back.

I feel like I've been doing only half the job - in terms of taking care of myself - for the last year or so. I can't wait to kick it back into high gear... which is where I find myself looking forward to time on my own... and where I start to feel incredibly guilty for the little part of me that is glad he will be leaving.

Stay tuned for my newly revised action plan... coming soon! I sooooo need a serious kick in the tush!!!!


cmoursler said...

Julie, i understand. It gets to the point where they are working so much, and then build a life with you and your kids.
He becomes an outsider. It's hell.
And the time leading up to deployment is an exercise in everyone trying to make everything perfect 'in case' and not bring up any touchy subjects. Hugs to you. I hope to God that sooner or later we can wrap things up SOMEWHERE and the guys can come home and stay home.
It isn't a waste of time or life over there, I know it feels like you are living in an alternate universe where your america is in a war and everyone else is living in an alternate reality. Just know that there are those of us out there that know what you are going through. I used to feel heartsick and relieved when he would deploy..especially the last two times. He was already exhibiting signs of ptsd..anger, withdrawel, and it was getting harder to communicate.
Keep him filled in and keep communicating, it's all you can do. And good luck with the next six months..sounds like you have maintenance down pat. You can do this...hey, maybe we should come up some sort of deployment challenge. I might do it with you...sounds like a plan.
Hugs to you, hang in there.

Crystal said...

i'm not going to pretend i have any idea what it's like to have a hubby leaving for such a long time... i'm sure it's going to be difficult and lonely... i'm so happy to hear that you are looking at the bright side of things! keep up that attitude and you know you have TONS of support if times get tough!

Drazil said...

Never feel guilty for taking care of you. You are worthy of that...and so much more.

anji said...

Don't feel guilty for that. It's not like you're going out and sleeping around. It's not like you're going out and spending tons of money. It's not like you're going out to party...

No, you're doing this work to make yourself healthier and happier which is going to allow both of you guys to be there longer in this lifetime for one another.

In fact, you should feel guilty if you did NOT take care of yourself! You need to be healthy for your family and your future... so, yea! Turn it around!

It doesn't mean you're going to love him less...