My Eats

How "The Accidental Fat Chick" Hatched...

Welcome to The Accidental Fat Chick's new online home!

During the summer 0f 2008, I woke up one morning with a drive to live a healthy lifestyle. Since then, I've made many changes and lost nearly 50 pounds. Many of my friends and family members have come to me, asking about what I'm doing & how I'm doing it. While I certainly would never claim to be an expert, I'm happy to share what I've learned along the way.

So after careful thought... "The Accidental Fat Chick" has hatched... with the hope of helping at least one person and to be the accountability I need to finish what I started. :)

Thank you for visiting!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Emotional Overload

Those two words pretty much sum up my life right now. Besides all of the other stuff I've shared recently there is an additional situation wreaking havoc on my heart. If I've never mentioned it before... let it be known I have little ability to cope with rejection and am extremely easily hurt. Once hurt, healing the hurt is next to impossible... I may squash it down and try to put it in the back of my mind... but honestly it NEVER really goes away.

And right now I've been attacked and rejected for no other reason than the fact that I exist... and I'm hurt... beyond hurt. Its all I could do to make it through the day without breaking down in tears. It was so bad that even the idea of retail therapy held no appeal - after all that would have required gathering myself enough to enter a store and pretend to happy (or at least not falling apart).

This is the thing... I've put myself in a bubble of sorts to avoid feelings of hurt. As bad as things are here sometimes with The Husband - he may get under my skin, irritate the crap out of me, make me want to scream in aggravation - he has pretty much zero ability left to hurt me emotionally (I suspect because I am so emotionally detached from him). Things that happen with The Boy One may hurt my heart because I wish things could be easier or better for him & they may bring up tough to swallow emotions connected to what his father did to me... but they don't hurt ME in terms of who I am. Even my Mom's ability to hurt me is diminished as I've come to terms with who she is and why she acts the way she does. Unfortunately there are still people that have the ability to hurt me... dang it!

And as if that isn't enough on its own... I get this phone call from The Husband. He is completely freaking out over a status I put on Facebook a few days ago - something about considering options. Of course his mind automatically jumps to the wrong conclusions and he goes off on me telling me how inappropriate it was for me to put that when he is thousands of miles away. Seriously, that could have been about a hundred different things - it was actually about something to do with my blog (more on that later) - no need to get your boy panties in a bunch. Classic example of something that irritates me, but has no ability to hurt me. Yes, there was a day when I would have been crushed at what he was implying, but that time has passed I guess.

The emotions of the day (the last couple really) definitely have had an impact. Food was miserable today- Mexican for lunch followed by pizza for dinner. On the bright side, I didn't snack during the day or evening and I limited myself to two pieces of pizza at dinner. Yesterday exercise was more or less non-existent. Tonight, I drove across town and walked on the beach for an hour or so as the sun was setting and even dipped my feet in the water. It was absolutely gorgeous... so wish I'd grabbed my camera from the car when I got there. The fresh air was wonderful and it felt good to move... even if it wasn't an intense workout & probably didn't burn too many calories.

My big weekend plans are a trip to Crate & Barrel and I'm finally going to go visit a bead store in Seattle I've been dying to get to for months now. Yay! Besides that, I'm gonna chill with The Boy One and catch up on more blogs... I'm sooooo far behind.

One final thing to mention... I FINALLY bought my plane ticket for Chicago... after getting reassurance from Draz that she isn't going to chicken out (I can't be the only band-less one there, I need her to eat with me, lol).

Hope everyone has a great weekend!


cmoursler said...

I am sorry you got hurt. But glad you still have the ability to be hurt...(if that makes sense)
You don't want to get to the point where you are detached from everyone.
That's called a nervous breakdown.
Oh, I hope your getaway helps you feel better.

Jody said...

Don't beat yourself up for feeling down, from Reading your blog recently I can tell you are a strong woman and tomorrow will be a better day. X

Drazil said...

Oh wow - another thing we have in common...our ability to let people tear us down with even one word or look or somehow it changes us and makes us not whole. I will probably work on this forever...but I'm trying. With or without this person - you are good, whole, beautiful, loving, spirited and a good mom. Their rejection can NEVER take those traits from you - ever. Please know that....please remember it. And that hubs...ugh...I'm going to have to send the pimps out after him. To call and say those things about something so Girl...I'm with you - bandless and eating - and I can't wait to wrap my arms around you in Chicago and look you in the eyes and tell you - you are perfect just the way you are. You are worth everything..and so much more.

Scuttleboose said...

chin up, Julie! we are all here for you! :)

Carmen said...

bleh i'm sorry you are going through all this crap right now...i hope things turn around soon!!

yayy for buying your ticket!! :-)

Crys said...

I often form shallow attachments just to keep the ability to be hurt at bay. (It's a control thing!) I detach easily from people, places, jobs, you name it. However, there's something so wonderful in the connections I have with the people who can hurt me (because I love & care for them) also have the ability to bring me equal amounts of joy. There's something beautifully human about that connection. Makes me feel alive.

I love this post.