Its All Over...

Kids group at Church that is... and only til the Fall... but for this year its over. Wednesday night was the awards for the year... which got me to thinking about last year's awards night.

Throughout the year, I put in my weekly appearance and did my stuff with the kids... but there were a lot of parents and other people that I didn't really see on a weekly basis. So awards night rolled around and I got up on stage to help hand out awards like I do most every year. The most amazing thing happened afterwards... person after person came up to me and commented on how good I looked and/or asked how much weight I'd lost! It was the first time I was really aware that the change was noticeable. I went home that night feeling a little like the "belle of the ball." It was such an amazing feeling to have so many people recognize the change!

Initially, I believed that night gave me great motivation to continue toward my goal. After spending the last year fairly stagnant... flirting with the same five pound range and still 40-50 pounds from goal... I wonder if maybe what that night really gave me was a false sense of achievement. Maybe its just total coincidence that I've been more or less maintaining since that night... but the timing is ironic to say the least.

I knew this year wouldn't provide that kind of experience because - well - there hasn't been much change in the last 12 months. But for the first time in the 14 years I've been doing kids group, I had almost ZERO anxiousness over walking up to the stage! For the first time in several years, I even - willingly - took the microphone and spoke for a brief moment.

A few weeks ago, one of the girls was telling me that I needed a hair cut - duh, my last hair cut was in November 2008 - so I obliged her (even took her advice on the cut) and made a quick trip to a new salon in town yesterday, resulting in this....

Can I just say that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it when I get my hair flat ironed!!! Its hard to explain, but it gives me such a feeling of confidence and sleekness... almost like when you put on a pair of jeans that makes you look 10 pounds lighter. When I look in the mirror - with my hair straight - I feel like a totally different person.

As expected, I got tons of compliments on my hair... not so much otherwise... which is fine (its what I was anticipating)... but ya know what... it truly gives me a new sense of motivation... because I want that "belle of the ball" feeling again!

He's Coming for Me!!!

Melissa, being the fabulous cheerleader that she is, sent me some rah rah text messages yesterday. Then she sent me this!

We've decided that I'm gonna envision this bad boy chasing me... if that doesn't keep my tush movin' on the treadmill I don't know what will, lol.


This got me to thinking, I need a pic of something on my phone that I can pop up to look at when I'm running. Something to be running toward... NOT away from like Mr. Gator. So, I'm going to stop by the store & take a pic of that Coach Poppy handbag on my way to the gym tonight.

I forgot this yesterday, because in all honestly after the gym it takes a while for my brain to return to semi-normal function. LauraLynne asked if I would share how many calories I burned on the treadmill yesterday. My HRM decided to be goofy and stop working, which I didn't realize right away, so I don't have a 100% accurate number. But at the end of the hour, it said I had burned 502 calories... so a bit more than that, but not sure how much. Not sure what happened with the monitor, maybe I need to shorten the strap more so it stays in position better.

My plan is to be at the gym from about 6:00-8:30 tonight. StairMaster, treadmill, free weights & core are on the agenda for the evening. I have to admit my body is all kinds of sore today. My shoulders both ache, my right wrist is causing terrible pain on & off, my right knee, both ankles and my shins are killing me... I'm a walking mess, lol.


Thanks for sharing your quick meal ideas. So far I'm really liking the idea of throwing snacks together into meals... because seriously I can't even find time to cut & wrap the chicken that's sitting in my fridge, much less cook a meal. How sad is it going to be if all those chickens sacrificed their little titties for them only to end up in the trash can because I failed to take care of them?

So I was sitting at the hospital while my son was in his therapy sessions and decided to go browse comments on the B.O.O.B.S blog.... and this is what I got:

Access has been denied!

You are seeing this error because what you attempted to access appears to contain, or is labeled as containing, material that has been deemed inappropriate.

So its official, the B.O.O.B.S are a bunch of inappropriate chicks, LMAO. The hospital network administrator says so! Yet it lets me read Drazil talk about her whootananny... go figure, lol.

I plan to be back later with another post... after all, I have new cheerleaders to welcome & news regarding the cheerleaders!

Calling All Cheerleaders

At the beginning of the month Mary Fran appointed herself my personal cheerleader for finishing the Around the World Challenge. She is an awesome cheerleader & leaves me encouraging comments every day!

There are only 13 days left in the Challenge & I am STRESSED about being able to finish. I have soooooo much left to get done - 53 circuit sets, 167 core sets, 288 free weight sets, 23.3 miles on elliptical, 21.5 miles on bike, 33.4 miles on treadmill and 1.155 floors on the StairMaster. I have to finish this... failure is NOT an option!!!

Working under pressure is my forte... but really this is extreme - even for me. So... I NEED all the cheerleaders I can assemble. No joke - I need as many people as possible to keep me going... to comment, email, text - whatever... so there's a stream of motivation when I look at my phone out of boredom as I'm spending endless time on the treadmill & other instruments of torture, lol. If I'm being whiny & needy, so be it... but this "accidental fat chick" needs HELP & LOTS of it!

Will you be my cheerleader???

When The First Teardrop Fell

There I was on the Leg Press resting between sets & I felt it... a teardrop roll down my cheek. Just my left cheek mind you, I don't why it is my silly eyes don't cry together. What was the cause of this embarrassing display of tears at the gym? Not pain in my troublesome shoulder. Not pain in my once badly injured ankle. Not my never-ending back pain. Not some new gym related ailment. Not fatigue from general over-exertion. Nope, nothing like that. It was because of the presence of a person... and not even a person I know.

There was this person - whose gender & description I will omit from this little story - who reminded me so much of another person - one who contributed to some of the greatest hurt of my life. The resembelence was so uncanny I couldn't help but staring. Though I knew there was zero likihood that this could be the same person, my sometimes devious mind couldn't help but envisioning what it might look like if they had a little "help" falling off the StairMaster. I know, terrible of me right?

When I first spotted this person, I was down on a bike & they were on the aforementioned StairMaster. I finished my time on the bike and decided that I would go upstairs, where with any luck I wouldn't have to see this person. I get up there and quite happily start doing my sets on the circuit machines... all was going smoothly (they were out of sight) until I came to the Leg Press. Then they were in my direct line of sight once again, but needing my set count I determined not to let the presence of this "unknown" but oh-so-familiar person bother me. So there I am doing my first set of leg presses & look to the tv on my right. The subject matter on the screen was something that further reminded me of this person I'd like to forget. And this is when I felt it... the once often, now less frequent overwhelming sense of hurt & the burning of tears wanting to surface. And between sets one and two... that first teardrop fell. And the last! Sitting there I reminded myself that nothing in my past is worth sacrificing my future & I proceeded to finish my circuit sets & move on to core sets. I have to admit when this person "joined" me on the mats for core sets, I was more than happy it was time for me to go back downstairs to the elliptical, lol.
This whole episode at the gym reminded me of something I've been wanting to write about for awhile... so I plan to write about it tomorrow.

For now, I have to drag myself back to the gym & work on getting Around the World some more. If you want a refresher in all that is required for the challenge, this post has the details. Today is the end of the week two, in theory that means I should have completed approximately one-third of each component... we'll see where I'm at after my workout today.

Oh, one last thing about the person at the gym... they are competing in the Around the World Challenge also... so maybe for purposes of added motivation I will pretend they really are the person they remind me so much of, lol.

Just for fun.... do you think its true that everyone has a twin out there somewhere?

A Different Approach

For as long as I can remember, I've heard people talk about all the things they'd do when they reached a certain weight... the ways they would reward themselves for hitting certain numbers on the scale. I'm sure we've all done it... said something like "when I lose 20 pounds I'll get myself a new outfit" or "when I hit my goal weight I'll treat myself to a spa day." Seems like a great plan, wonderful way to motivate ourselves. And hey, I'd work my a** off for a new Coach bag... so why not?

But, what happens when you work your a** off & the results are slow to come? Or *gulp* you just can't hit that "magical" number? Do you get discouraged, thinking you'll NEVER get there & throw the idea of the coveted reward out the window? Does it lose its motivational value when it takes so long to achieve it?

That was me for a very long time, I'd have this grand thing I was working toward... but setbacks would always hinder me, I'd get discouraged & give up the idea of the reward (or I'd get impatient & buy it for myself anyway). So... I came up with a new approach.

Rewarding myself for doing what I consider to be essential elements of living a healthy lifestyle. Examples of things I've done for rewards so far are:

• When I reach 25 miles on the elliptical, I'll get a pedicure


• If I track my food & exercise every day for a week, I get to pick a new nail color


• If I drink all my water 25/30 days, I'll get a new water bottle


• When I "collect" 25 days with no sugary soda, I'll get new bubble bath


• When I reach 6,000 floors on the StairMaster, I will get a massage

Hopefully that gives you an idea of what I mean. I try to make most of them things I can achieve within a month, so that the "prize" is always within sight. Some are more long range goals to keep me going. Also, while the rewards are things that I will enjoy getting, they aren't the types of things I'm likely to run out and buy on a whim. For example, it would be silly for me to put a new outfit as a reward... because in all honesty I can't go more than a couple weeks without buying a new piece of clothing, lol.

This has been working pretty well for me as far as motivation & I like it better because my efforts are rewarded regardless of what the scale says... and let's face it... when the scale is slow to recognize how hard we're working, being rewarded for consistent effort can be a very motivating way to keep ourselves going when the lure of a big chocolate donut tempts us.

I know the gym gives away prizes for "Around the World," but considering I was lucky enough to win one last year, I'm not holding my breath on winning one this year. Here's what I'm working for as my personal reward... when I finish the entire challenge I will get this:

Its from Coach's Poppy Collection & I've been "in love" with it since the first time I saw it. I'm saving for it so the money will be there... but I haven't told The Husband yet, lol.

And because I was once of those people that told myself I'd reward myself when I hit my goal weight (not that I'm even sure what that is anymore), The Husband and I had this discussion long ago... probably 7-8 years ago now. He agreed that if I ever got to my goal weight, I could get the diamond stud earrings I've daydreamed about since I was a teenager. Honestly, getting them as a reward isn't that big a deal to me anymore because my philosophy on this has changed so much since then... BUT this is The Husband and I'm holding him to his agreement. I'm pretty sure he never thought he'd have to live up to his end of it... but at Christmas when the base exchange was having a good sale... he let me put these on layaway.

In three months, they will officially be mine. While I don't have an actual goal weight, I've decided 160 is the magic number for being able to wear these beauties. I suspect there is gonna be some gap between the time I get them paid off & reaching 160... so they will sit on my dresser, staring at me, being the ultimate in "I have no choice but to finish this now because The Husband shelled out hundreds of dollars for these earrings" motivational tool. :)

How do you reward yourself? What kinds of things do you pick for rewards?

Outfit in the Window & Scale Day

Before we get to talking about the outfit... today was scale day. I was a little anxious stepping on the scale, not quite a livin on a prayer moment though. My food choices were fairly decent throughout the week, but there were a few times when I probably ate more than I needed & then there was the yummy lunch out with Erika on Saturday. Plus my friend George is due to arrive any moment now & we all know the lovely things he can do to your body. The results: -1.6 lbs! I'm totally satisfied with that & feel like I'm getting back into the groove of things. Another five pounds & I'll be back to where I was when I fell off the wagon. Its exciting to be that close to that number again... but nerve wracking too. I swear its like I get to a certain point & do something to sabotage myself for some unknown reason. Not this time though, I'm determined!

Do you ever feel like you're your own worst enemy when it comes to reaching your goals?

In case I've failed to mention it at some point, I LOVE shopping. Some people would call it a passion... The Husband probably refers to it as a curse when he's shooting the breeze with his buddies and complaining about it to my mother-in-law. Anyhow, until the last couple years shopping was probably the most physically active thing I did on a regular basis... sad I know. The thing is I feel like I'm good at shopping... I mean I've gotten really skilled at finding bargains for just about anything I want; its rare that I pay full price for anything. Also, not news to you I'm sure (but to the skinny people of the world perhaps), you've got to be pretty savvy in the shopping department if you're gonna find anything resembling cute clothes to fit a chubbo body like mine was (is).

To set the stage for shopping opportunities on the island: We have Kmart, Walmart, the NEX (on base) and a few specialty stores. The Husband will tell you (and I can hardly argue anymore), I can be more than a wee bit picky when it comes to my clothes. While I won't refuse to buy something just because its at Kmart or Walmart, the chances of me finding something that I like (and fits well) is slim to none. Needless to say, clothes shopping for me meant a 40 minute drive to the nearest mall. Then one blessed day I was driving down our narrow little main street & spotted a sign in the window at Maurices advertising their new plus size section.

Cute clothes, reasonable prices, no 40 minute drive... I was hooked! My first visit there, I needed nearly the biggest size they had in plus; but somehow I was okay with that because hey the clothes were cute. Walking in I'd always look to the right (the regular sizes) & think "I wish," as I turned to the left (the plus sizes). The ladies that work in this store are fantastic, very supportive & encouraging! When I started losing, they immediately noticed & each time I visit the store for smaller jeans they celebrate with me. We've had this goal for several months now, that one day I'd be able to walk in the store & buy the outfit in the window from the right side of the store.

This past Saturday it finally happened!!! I can't tell you how thrilling it was for me. Not only was I able to buy the outfit in the window from the right side of the store... I didn't have to buy it in the biggest size. No XXL, No XL... just LARGE! They were having a decent sale, buy one get one 1/2 off, but of course this outfit wasn't included in the sale. But you know something... I bought it anyway... what can I say? Sometimes a a girls just gotta have the outfit in the window!

Now the questions, tights or no tights? Flats or sandals?

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I have a confession... You were right! Go ahead say "I told you so."

Living a healthy lifestyle is A LOT of work and takes time from other things that need attention. There's time spent at the gym, planning meals, preparing healthy meals, writing down what you eat and all the other things that come with it. Yes, this takes time away from the family, friends & Church. Yes, it means that I may not be as available for every little thing as I once was.

But its worth it! Its worth it because I can run & play with my son. Its worth it because I am teaching my son to make good choices with the food he puts into his body. Its worth it because (hopefully) when he is a grown man he won't have to suffer from the stress & burden of seeing his Mom struggle with all of the health issues that can be avoided by choosing a healthy lifestyle. Its worth it because when all is said and done.... I believe...

I am worth it!!!!

It breaks my heart that in all of your life, you've never thought YOU were worth it... that you've never believed YOU were worth the time & effort required to live a healthy lifestyle & take care of yourself. Will you realize that YOU are worth the effort before time runs out? I pray every day that you do... because I don't know how I'll ever explain to Garrin that his Grandma is gone due to something she could have prevented (or at least delayed) and you know there will be no skirting the issue with the way his brain is wired... but most because you're my Mommy & I want you to love yourself & KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Love,

Julie

Around the World & 2-4-8-10 Challenges

Before I get into the details of the challenges... I'm a bit perplexed, but the scale LOVED me this morning. I was sure that after the weekend of indulging I would be lucky not to gain (ok, I was really prepared to gain a hefty sum if I'm being brutally honest). But, according to the scale I was down 2.6 pounds from last week. I'm really pleased with the number and it makes me feel even more hopeful that's its possible to go enjoy a weekend from time to time, as long as its planned for in advance. :-)

Around the World Fitness Challenge

About a month after I started going to the gym, I saw a sign for the Around the World Fitness Challenge. Looking over the requirements, I was thinking to myself "there is no way I could do all that," but I wanted to do it nonetheless. The way it was set up, you could choose to do just part of it & I figured I'd pick & choose. Then a couple weeks into it someone (who shall remain nameless) said something about the whole thing being a stupid idea. It should be known that I don't take comments like that very well... so from that day forward I set out to complete the entire challenge.

The challenge requirements were:

• The Frequent Flier Challenge: 30 hours of workout time logged at the gym


• North America Challenge: 330 sets on Circuit machines


• South America Challenge: 276 sets of Core Strength


• Australia Challenge: 378 sets on Free Weights


• Asia Challenge: 48 miles on elliptical or Arc trainer


• Europe Challenge: 150 miles on bike


• Africa Challenge: 38 miles on treadmill or rower


• Antarctica Challenge: 2,100 floors on the StairMaster

There was a six week time period to complete everything. It took me until the very last day of the challenge, Mother's Day, to get it finished.... I spent just shy of eight hours in the gym that day (I credit Toby Keith & George Strait for keeping me going, their movies were on tv).... but I DID IT!!!!

For the girl who avoided gym class like the plague in school, this was a MAJOR accomplishment. At awards presentation, I won a gift certificate to a local spa... hmmm... maybe I should think about redeeming that one day soon.

The 2-4-8-10 Challenge

When things settled down from the holidays, my friend & I were looking for something to get us back to our gym routines... so we came up with a modified version of the Around the World Challenge... which we named the 2-4-8-10 Challenge. Basically the two (2) of us working for (4) size eight (8) in 2010 (10). We set 12 weeks for the time frame (so it will end when the gym's official Around the World Challenge starts) & multiplied the numbers from the Around the World Challenge by 1.75. My thought with this was that it would help me gear up for the gym's challenge & get my butt to the gym when I might skip otherwise.

We chose rewards for if we were half way to completion by the six week mark & then one for if we complete everything by the end of the 12 weeks. For six weeks, the reward was a trip to an upscale movie theater. For 12 weeks, its shopping for a new outfit at Westlake Center in Seattle (any excuse to shop in the city lol) The six week mark has passed and neither of us were halfway there. Some stuff happened in her personal life that got her off track & my needing to be there to support her got me off track too. I just finished reviewing how much I have left to do (in 5 weeks) and its remotely possible IF I make substantial time for the gym. Bottom line: I know, without a doubt, I'm getting to the gym more than I would have without the challenge & I will be better prepared for the gym's challenge than I was last year... so that's something.

As of today this is what I have left:

Elliptical - 78 miles

Bike- 130 miles

Treadmill- 59.3

StairMaster- 3,135

Circuit Sets- 421

Core Sets- 368

Free Weight Sets- 637

4 weeks, 5 days remaining... Can I do this?????

We will see....

A Day of Cooking

Yesterday was my day of cooking & food prep for the week...

Grilled chicken, roast beef, turkey breast - there shall be no complaints about lack of protein this week - lol. Whole wheat pancakes & muffins, berries sliced - quick, easy breakfast for the busy mornings. Rice cooked & a couple of soups made - easy, heat & eat dinners for after the gym. Fruit & veggies cut and since I'm a dipper fat free dips to go with the veggies are ready and waiting.

I try to do this kind of prep day regularly, so that I am not as tempted to hit whatever drive-thru is handy on my way home. But, as I was venting about the other day, my dear sweet husband is an expert at eating my carefully prepared convenience foods. This time around, I cooked twice as much of the things he eats. And yes, I "forgot" to buy some of the junk he normally insists on. My son and he both go other places where they can get goodies, assuming they think they can't live without their goodies, they can get them at school/work... no need for them to enter my healthy kitchen.

Now the test...

The refrigerator has a new resident.... its rectangular, transparent & takes up approximately half of one shelf. To some its known as a basket... to my husband its "the hands OFF or else" box. He has agreed to stay out of it & not to eat anything marked with a pink sticker (for things too big for the basket). Hopefully he keeps his word or I'm gonna need help coming up with the "or else" lol.

News for today: I bumped up to a higher level on the StairMaster! My legs were on fire by the end of 20 minutes, so for the last ten I went back to my old level. Then I did about 20 minutes on the bike. Somewhat of a shorter workout than usual, BUT, considering how much I did NOT want to go to the gym at all today... I'm pleased. What got me there when all I wanted to do was stay home and eat Midol like candy? Mmmm... The Cheesecake Factory & Hard Rock Cafe... my weekend to come dining choices. Pretty sure those words alone are enough to pack on some pounds without even setting foot inside either... good motivation to get this tushie to the gym no matter how much I don't feel like it.

What gets you to the gym when you'd rather be anywhere else?

For the Cute as a Bunny Challenge, my personal goal this week is to do at least 7 hours of cardio & 100 core sets.

Fingers crossed that I'll pleased when I see the scale tomorrow. :)

Cute as a Bunny Challenge

Just a quick note to say I'm joining the Cute as a Bunny Easter Challenge. If you haven't heard about it... it starts Monday & goes for seven weeks. The goal is to lose one pound per week & set a personal mini goal each week. Get all the details at: "Ah... Me so Hongry!"

Off to think about what a good mini goal will be for the week...

Here I Sit, How I Got Here & Where I'm Headed

Here I Sit...

A little more than 43 pounds lighter than the morning I woke up driven to live a healthy life. After a year of steady loss, I got off track for several months - pretty much quit going to the gym & relaxed my food standards WAY too much. Eating whatever looks good in a restaurant is fine when you only eat out a couple times a month... NOT so much when you eat out almost daily... lol. As a result, I sadly must admit that I gained back over 10 pounds of what was lost. In the last month, I've gotten my act together... back to a normal gym routine (though way out of shape again after the "break")... making wise food choices... keeping a food & exercise log and being accountable. Six pounds and six inches eliminated in the past 30 days... pretty happy with those numbers. Now if I could just make it through more than 40 floors on the stairmaster without feeling like I'm dying! :)

How I Got Here...

Looking back - way back - 5th grade was probably the last time I was a "normal" weight (more on that in the future). In the Spring of 2008, I weighed in at the doctor at nearly 250... I told myself it was just because it was afternoon, I'd eaten a big lunch and was wearing heavy clothes. WRONG! The next morning on my scale at home - sans clothing and food - the scale read 241. For some seeing the biggest number ever might have been an immediate wakeup call - not in my case - seems I was too busy with life and taking care of everyone else.

My husband left on deployment #4, 5, or 6 - I've lost count throughout the years. My son & I settled into a routine of home during the week & visiting my mom on some weekends. It was after one of those visits that I woke up soooooo sick to death of being fat I couldn't take it another minute (which is a little strange considering how unbothered I'd always been by my weight... more on that to come too). Its weird to say and probably hard to believe, but after that day my desire for unhealthy foods greatly diminished & my desire to be active greatly increased.

During the first few weeks after that, I was eating way less food than I had been eating - not necessarily any healthier though to be honest - and started to use some of the exercise videos that had been collecting dust in my cabinet. Early in the summer, I finally caved & bought my son a Wii. Of course I had to get myself something for it too... so I bought the Wii Fit. By the end of summer 2008, I was alternating between the videos, the Wii Fit & walks on the beach and had started making healthy food choices on a regular basis. That was my basic method for the next six months.

In February last year - at 209 pounds - I finally got up the courage to go join a gym in town. This was a HUGE step... afterall, I am the girl that did everything in her power to get out of PE in school - from 6th grade on. The thought of exercising in public has always had the ability to make me go from fabulous to nauseous in the blink of an eye. Knowing that I needed to kick things up a notch if I were to keep losing... I put on a nice outfit, grabbed one of my favorite handbags, swallowed the "I wanna hurl" feeling in the pit of my stomach and marched into the newest gym in town. The staff was wonderfully welcoming & right away I felt comfortable there. Shortly after joining the gym, I competed in their "Around the World" Fitness Challenge and completed the entire Challenge. I was one of about a dozen people out of 150 to complete the entire Challenge. This was a MAJOR accomplishment for me - remember gym class escape artist here - I had NEVER done any sort of physical competition in my life. From there I was hooked... at least until I got totally sidetracked by that pesky little thing called life.

On the food front, I choose not to follow a specific "diet" or eating plan... in fact I really detest the "d" word. I firmly believe its all about making healthy food choices for life and not something you can go on or off of. At home, I make a conscience effort to make healthy choices - utilizing recipes and meal ideas from a variety of sources. When I eat in a restaurant, I generally let myself enjoy a meal without worrying too much about the calories/fat in it. As stated, this works out okay when restaurants are the occasional treat - otherwise, I don't recommend it.

I have used the Myfooddidary.com website to track my activity since the beginning. It has proven helpful in many ways, such as seeing not just the calories I'm eating, but the nutritional value of the foods I'm putting in my body. I LOVE it and think its so worth the $9 a month.

Where I'm Headed...

Looking toward life as a Deliberate Skinny Chick - aka reformed Accidental Fat Chick. I don't know what that means as far as a number on the scale or a jeans size. My current size is the smallest I've been in my adult life - I have no clue what 180, 170, 160, or150lbs will look like or what size those numbers will equal in the jeans department. Can't wait to find out!

The current game plan: Stick with the 2-4-8-10 Challenge & be prepared when the new "Around the World" Challegen kicks off. Increase the intensity of my gym workouts & find ways to add more active motion to my daily routines. Possibly do The Big Climb in Seattle... if I have a friend or two to do it with me. Fine tune my meal plans - especially to reduce the number of calories I drink.

My husband leaves for yet another deployment in May... my ultimate goal would be to finish what I started when he was gone the last time and be at an ideal healthy weight when he comes home in December. 50 pounds in 10 months... I know I can do it!

What is your ultimate goal?