Three Things

After I wrote my post last night, I actually went to bed and slept until the alarm went off! The first decent sleep I've had in a good two weeks at least; guess getting it out there really does help. One of the things I like about blogging at night is that I almost always wake up to comments... which make me happy and are a good way to start my day. Well this morning there were no comments and I was a little bummed, but they trickled in as I was getting The Boy One ready for school (and throughout the day) and I'm so thankful for each one of them. The encouragement and support means so much to me... so if you took the time to comment THANK YOU SO MUCH.


Several of you mentioned that antidepressants might help. That is something I have thought myself, in the past when I went through little phases like this, and even during this one. I don't know why that seems like admitting defeat or weakness to me and I always shy away from the idea. Or maybe its that The Husband's grandmother was addicted to antidepressants and other prescription drugs and I'm afraid it would freak him out if I were on one. But, if I don't pull myself out of this state by the end of the month, I will go to the doctor... I simply can't keep going on like this.

Chris had what I feel are excellent suggestions in her comment - to start with taking care of myself, then pick three things that required minimal time and just do them... start the ball rolling so to speak. I know I can't keep it exactly that simple with all I have to do between now and Chicago, but this is my plan for Tuesday-Thursday...

• Start the by doing something for me... a walk, taking time to make a healthy breakfast, something that equates to taking good care of my body.
• Make my list of three things that need to be done... thinking one related to The Husband, one related to The Boy One and one one related to the house. Low stress things for now.
• Get those three things done.
• After that, spend the remainder of the day doing things I truly enjoy - or I should say enjoy when I'm not a big ball of tears on the couch - like beading, scrapbooking, reading for pleasure, and dare I say it maybe even baking.

That's it... simple things that will hopefully make me start to feel a little better. I know I can't keep it exactly that simple with the trip to get ready for, but if I can do these few things to feel like I'm accomplishing something I think it will help.

My three things for today: unload/load the dishwasher, move all of the "extra" beverages & cereal to their shelves on the garage, and while not a schedule per say I did limit The Boy One's computer/video game time to one hour. Beyond that, the entire day I sat in front of the tv/computer... which isn't all bad, I actually took time to read a bunch of blogs which I enjoyed alot. Oh and I even let a friend come over for a little bit... one that would understand why she was finding me in last nights pjs at 7pm.

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On another note, I think the nerves of Chicago have finally set in. I swear I wasn't nervous about it at all until I started reading other people's "fears" of what to wear and Draz's "Podunk" post, lol. I feel like I need to make an "emergency" trip to Seattle and find city clothes between now and Friday morning or pack nothing and take myself on a little shopping trip when I get there. In reality, I will pack from the clothes I already have... of which there is no shortage... and maybe try to see if I can find one new outfit to bring.

I am so excited for the trip - to meet everyone, to see a new city, to get away from the stress of home for a couple days - and jumping through last minute hoops to get there. My usual sitter had to cancel because her dad won't let her do overnight babysitting during the school year now. My ride to the airport bailed just yesterday.. apparently too busy to keep their word (whatever!). The first problem actually fixes the second problem. My Mom is coming to stay with The Boy One (which is yes more stress for me, topic for another post). But with her being here, my car won't be needed for the sitter so I can drive to the airport and leave it there. Its all coming together... just not quite the way I planned.

Found this quote online today... something to think about...

"We cannot love or be loved correctly until we love ourself correctly. Root for yourself. Love yourself. If you want to love and be loved the starting point of love begins with you."

It Felt Good...

Despite a rough start to the day - I accidentally turned off the alarm instead of hitting the snooze button - by 12:45pm I was headed out the door to the gym. As I was puttering around the house - getting my shoes on, water bottle filled, post workout snack packed - I realized that I was already feeling energized. It felt good to go through the steps to prepare for a workout. It felt good to walk into the gym and see familiar faces. It felt good to climb on an elliptical machine and get moving. It felt good to have sweat running down my back (and I hate sweat, lol). It felt good to peddle on the bike. It felt unbelievably good to get in there and do a solid workout - not my best and not the most intense- but solid nonetheless... 30 minutes elliptical and 35 minutes on the bike.



Today was the first day in way too many days that I ate NOTHING from a restaurant or convenience store. Breakfast was a bagel thin with laughing cow cheese & some blueberries. I had some trex mix for a post workout snack. Lunch wasn't the best... a quesadilla with white tortillas and too much full fat cheese... but at least it didn't come from a restaurant. Dinner was grilled chicken salad with turkey bacon & 2% cheddar. Then after dinner I made some lemon poppy-seed muffins... which I proceeded to eat way too many of... the good news they are only about 40 calories each. Still, I'm pleased with the day overall... I avoided restaurants, sugary soda and was pretty healthy for two of my three meals.

I felt more like "me" than I have in a long time today. It felt good to make & execute a plan... It felt good to put healthy foods into my body (if we ignore the quesadilla). It feels good to get to the end of the day and not be beating myself up over caving into the temptation of a drive-thru on my way home from the gym. And high on the list of things that felt good today... all of the warm welcome backs I received from you... those comments mean so much.

Thursday is a busy day with therapy for The Boy One and Margatini night with my BFF. I don't know if I've explained margatini night before... we go to Applebees 3-4 times a month, she drinks a martini, I drink a margarita... so we named it margatini night. I generally try to eat one of their "healthier" options. I've had the steak and chicken from their 550 calorie menu.... any other ideas on tasty meals there? I'm kind of in the mood to try something new & definitely want to stick to a healthier choice.

And just for Draz... because I adore her so much... I'm finally writing my Victoria Secret post. :)

Okay So I'm Not Alone :)

The last thing I did before I went to bed Saturday was write my last post... well that and shed a few more tears before I finally crawled into bed. When I woke up this morning, I was so touched by all of the encouraging comments... so I want to take a minute to respond to each of them.

Chris- I really appreciate that you know what military life is like & can relate. Communication is really a big obstacle for us - its one of his biggest deficits... but I do the best I can with it. And without God & my Bible, I don't think I could do any of it...

Girl Bandit- Thanks for thinking I'm strong. I don't feel so strong, but maybe if I hear it enough I'll start to believe it.

Sandy Lee- It totally helps to know you're all out there... more than you realize. :)

Jen- I agree - its so much harder to have close friends as adults. I've tried talking to her, she thinks she's balancing things well so I don't know what is left for me to do but accept what little time she has to share & try to heal the hurt. Thanks for being there. :)

Drazil- Send that # on Mama Pimp... but I promise not to wake you up in the middle of the night (I think, lol). Don't worry I won't eat my hand off... I need it to shovel the food in, lol. Love you

Jamie- He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when he was five. We are in the process of having him re-evaluated at Children's right now. I try really hard to use that type of approach with him, but its VERY difficult to get him to express his feelings. Its extremely frustrating; at the same time I know there are parents out there that have children with much greater disabilities, so I try to be thankful.

Seth- Thanks for your prayers. :)

You don't know how thankful I am for all of you. I truly don't feel so alone when I see all of your wonderful comments. It especially means a lot when they come on a weekend... I know how busy weekends are for people.

Oh, at 3:30am I got awakened by a phone call from The Husband. I'm so glad he called, but sadly I was so tired that I barely remember the conversation. I do remember that he has arrived safely at his new little part of the sandbox and has to sleep in a tent with ten guys. Can you imagine the "gas" in that tent???? LOL

After the rough end to Saturday, I decided to just chill for our Sunday. No running around, no work, nothing. I even had the guy I turn my work papers in to come pick them up from me (he was really nice and actually offered to do it when I explained what's been going on). The boy one woke up cheerful & apologetic for making me cry (I guess he heard me after I left his room).

Food was okay for me today (I still need to update my food page badly, but its all written elsewhere so its not lost), except I had way too much sugar. Can we say cookies & Mug root beer? But I'm still in my calorie range despite them.

I'll leave you with a few pictures from yesterday's outing. We went to Port Townsend, which is a 30 minute ferry ride away. Its a great little town with all sorts of unique little shops, including one of my favorite bead stores & a fabulous underground restaurant. The nice part is we walk on the ferry & then all around the main street of the town... so its built in exercise and The Boy One loves it there. Living so far from the city, its nice to have a little outing close to home & that doesn't cost us a fortune to enjoy.

One of my favorite things on earth is a view of nothing but ocean & sky... this comes pretty close.

There were a ton of sailboats on the water as we approached the ferry landing on the other side of the water.

The Boy One and I waiting for the return ferry. This was about two seconds before he gave me a huge sloppy joe (aka licked the side of my face).

Our trip home was slowed somewhat when we had to wait for this big cruise liner to pass in front of us. Pretty sure we somehow ended up on the wrong boat and that's the one we were supposed to be on, lol.

Seriously this got me to thinking a cruise might be fun. Have you been on a cruise? Would you do it again?

The Weekend Wrap

Before I get on to the weekend, I want to respond to the comments on my last post...

Chris - Thanks for your amusing antidotes... they made me smile. And you're absolutely right, much of my "anger" comes from the fear of knowing what she is doing to herself.

Drazil - You're so sweet for wanting to come rescue me! Its hard to know what to do... but I find myself biting my tongue a lot. She is here til Wednesday.

Josie - Thanks for your encouragement, especially when I know you haven't been feeling well. :)

K - I'm so sorry for your loss. I really do try to be as compassionate as I can. It just gets very frustrating at times because not only will she do little to nothing to help herself, but she does things that prevent me from doing what is best for me & my family (as far as living a healthy lifestyle). This post will give you a little bit of insight into my relationship with my Mom.

Okay... on to the weekend...

Saturday was a lovely day. I made these yummy chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.

Then it was off to the gym. The first hour there I spent upstairs where I did 40 sets on the circuit machines, 30 core sets & 50 free weight sets. Free weights are killer because my shoulder is so freakin sore... but I've got to get it done. Then I spent about 40 minutes on cardio, split between the bike & elliptical. My energy level was way low, which was really a bit frustrating considering how much of the challenge I still have to go.

We had company over dinner... DiAnne (the peanut butter cookie baker) and Erika (the BFF, who has been better lately). It turned out to be a great time... lots of food (which I tried not to overindulge in... but I ate too many cookies for sure) & many fun games of Dutch Blitz. My Mom was even pleased because we had potatoes and something with beef in it, lol.

Sunday started with blueberry oat pancakes. I don't know what my obsession is with pancakes lately, but I could eat a variation for breakfast every day I think. Sorry I was so busy eating I forgot to take a picture, oops.

Next stop was naturally the gym. There was an "incident" at home this morning which left me with awful chest pain... so I took it really easy. I just did 22 miles on the bike & 22 sets on the circuit machines. The good news is that I'm now close to having those two parts of the challenge completed.

This wasn't a typical Sunday because I didn't get much of my prep cooking done for the week. However, I managed to get a couple batches of Lemon-Poppy seed muffins baked & some brown rice cooked. For dinner I made these boneless wings and a simple salad with Asian dressing.

It was really yummy. And, would you believe my Mom actually liked it so much she asked for the recipe??? I'm still recovering from the shock!

Speaking of recipes, should I start posting them on here?

Overall, it was a great weekend. Hope the weekend was great for you too!

Day One is Over

Thank you for all of the supportive comments about my Mom's visit. You guys are the best!

Day one is in the books & I survived. She had one minor meltdown when I mentioned the nutritional content of the ice cream cones from Dairy Queen (yes we had these today, it was my son's treat day after his therapy so planned in my week)... something about how the only thing you can eat - that's good for you - is raw fruits & vegetables... I sort of tuned her out. We're just going about our normal routine, not making a big deal out of things & not making concessions or compromising the way we live... which I think irritates her some. Despite her sitting with her Doritos & scads of sugar free chocolate, I did a really good job staying on track with my food for the day. 1426 calories total... including the ice cream!

The gym and I had two meetings today... sometimes I even surprise myself, lol. Round one lasted for about 90 minutes. I did 3.6 miles on the treadmill, 35 floors on the stairmaster & 20 sets on the circuit machines. My pace was slow on the treadmill - oh how I detest that machine! - and the only reason I managed to stay on it for a whole hour was that one of my friends was in the audience on The Price is Right, so I was trying to spot him. Whatever works. Round two was a solid hour - 115 floors on the stairmaster & 3.5 miles on the bike. I burned 975 calories in round one & 677 calories in round two - 1652 for the day! Splitting it into two sessions like that really cuts down on the fatigue, wish I could do it that way more often. Still, I'm starting to feel anxious about the gym challenge (more on that after I've had some sleep lol).

Just for fun... while we were doing our late Egg Hunt at kids group last night, we remembered a picture that was taken of me last year and attempted to recreate it for comparison. 2009 on the left & this year on the right.

What do ya think? Is there a noticeable difference?

The Results Are In...

Erika & I did our final measurements for our 2-4-8-10 Challenge this morning, final weigh in is tomorrow. Until the Around the World Challenge last year I had never paid that much attention to measurements... but this is really eye opening for me.

14 1/2 inches lost!

My waist said adios to 4 inches & my hips gave away 5 inches (2 1/4" just in the last four weeks!). And my thighs that never give an inch somehow shed 3". And of course, the girls had to give their share as well (though I would've been really happy for them reject the idea).

Here are pics from Day 1 & from today... 12 weeks later.

Now that the final pics have been taken, these pants are officially retired! They are just too big... darn it, lol. Its a tiny bit bittersweet because they are my favorite workout pants, but I'll be more than happy to shop for a new favorite pair!

If you comment regularly, you probably know that I try to respond to comments via email. And if you've commented recently, you probably know I'm way behind on this little aspect of blogging. I swear its all the extra time I'm spending at the gym sapping the strength from my typing fingers & turning my brain to mush. I'll get caught up... eventually.

I want to extend a warm welcome to all of my new followers! I'm so happy you've decided to join me & I look forward to your comments. :)

If you're following me & I'm not following you, please leave me your link so I can add you.

Hope everyone is having a great Monday!