Here I am

Did you all think I was lost forever? I was beginning to think so. Things have gone from busy, busy to insanely hectic. I wrote my "secrets" post, went to the dinner, and then before I knew it my vacation day had arrived. I've been home for a few days and am slowly settling into a normal routine.... whatever "normal" is.


The dinner was interesting... the topic of what happened to me didn't come up, but he came up in conversation. Something I never knew at the time - he was physically abusive to her during their marriage. To the point that to this day, she can't be tickled or restrained. It makes me think that in some way I was conditioned to end up in an abusive relationship... that being one of the primary examples of a relationship I saw growing up. Bottom line, I survived the dinner and didn't feel overly traumatized by it...


As far as stepping out of the shadows goes... I'm thinking long and hard on a lot of things. Knowing what you should do intellectually is so much easier than actually doing it... and there are so many warring factors rattling around in my brain & heart. I feel like I'm trapped on a huge roller coaster that dives every time I have something figured out. Seriously think its time to find a new shrink...

Trying to get back into the swing of things after vacation (which I must share about soon) has been a challenge. The good news is The Boy One did amazingly well with the sitter for the whole week! More good news, vacation was very active for me! Now for the not so good news... I hate a TON of yummy food while I was gone - Cheesecake Factory, Bubba Gump, Hard Rock Cafe, In-n-Out (twice), IHOP, a couple Mexican places, the best sushi place ever... not to mention my niece made pancakes for breakfast almost every morning. I stepped on the scale with tightly clenched fists this morning... to see a number I swore I would never see again unless I was pregnant - 201. Seriously, I could cry and cry and cry and cry! This is NOT good! I am so disappointed in myself. I mean I know it was vacation and all, but really?!? And when you hear about all the active stuff we did, you're gonna know that I must have been eating for a small village to gain so much weight.

After the shocker on the scale... and after drying the literal river that flowed in the bathroom as a result... I went to Safeway where chicken was on sale for really cheap and the commissary. Now the house is stocked with plenty of healthy options to last until payday. I already planned my Wednesday for a full workout at the gym and an evening walk. Enough settling in time... its time to get back to business. For now I"m going to take all freakin 201 pounds of me to bed... sleep is a good thing. Looking forward to catching up with everyone. Thanks for not abandoning me in my absence. :)

The Husband & The Scale Have Formed An Alliance!!!

I swear to you it is true - The Husband & The Scale have formed some sort of evil alliance... and right now I have some choice words running through my mind for the both of them. See I think it goes something like this:

The Husband walks into the bathroom & The Scale says to him: "I'm tired of displaying a smaller number week after week. I feel so small and insignificant as the numbers go down. Please! Help me!!! I NEED to see those big numbers... for my self esteem!" (At this point The Scale is near tears... I'm sure of it.)

The Husband thinks about this & tells The Scale: "Well, I don't know what I can do."

The Scale continues his (yes it is definitely a "he") plight: "You know this isn't all about me, its about you too. Think of all the things you're missing out on while my numbers are going down."

This catches The Husband's attention and as he exits the bathroom, he says "You have no idea what I'm missing. Help is on the way!"


For The Husband's part, he puts his plan into practice on regular basis - nearly every day & sometimes more than once in the same day. He has devised a multi-step plan of attack to help The Scale. Step one: "Innocently" want to take me out to breakfast or lunch. Step two: Repeatedly carry on about how he wants pizza, a cheeseburger, Mexican food, fill in the blank with any other indulgence you can think of. He usually will persist with pleading until I have given in to one of these steps; there comes a point where its give in or deal with his "unhappiness." Step three: He will bring home a bag of chips (or other munchies), open them & leave the bag sitting out on the counter to tempt me each & every time I walk through the kitchen. Step Four: When we are out & about, he will ever so "conveniently" want to stop off at 7-11 & become upset if I refuse to go into the store with him. Its like he wants to suck me into that world of temptations... Seriously WTH???

I know its up to me what I put in my body... but oooohhhhhh the pure pressure (and utter lack of support)... this little alliance of theirs has assisted me in eating:

• pizza
• cookies
• ice cream
• taco bell
• hot dogs
• jalapeno cream cheese taquitos
• sugary soda
• hash browns
• french toast
• breakfast sausage
• chips & queso

And, that's all in just the last week! Yikes!!!!

The Scale was handsomely rewarded by their evil alliance today... it was more than happy to display a number 2.4 higher than last weeks number. You could almost feel it doing a little happy dance under me.

Guess what?!? Its time to break up the evil alliance, IMMEDIATELY. I'm gonna kick them both in the butt!

Honestly, doesn't The Scale know that BIGGER isn't always BETTER?!? And as for The dear sweet Husband... if he wants that crap he can get it on his own time!

Scale? Husband? Do you hear me? Your time together is OVER!!!!